I recently listened to a podcast where Glennon Doyle described being a stay-at-home mom as a dormant volcano. She “looks calm on the outside but inside she’s bubbling with boiling hot lava that at any moment could just explode and kill everyone in the vicinity.” What an accurate statement.
I never thought I would be a mom. It wasn’t something I identified with or felt that I needed in my life. I was very happy with my husband, my cats and the freedom to do what I wanted, when I wanted. I love sleeping late, going out to nice dinners and traveling. A child was going to change all that and clearly it did in 2015.
While being a mom was something I never thought would happen, being a stay-at-home mom was completely outside of my wildest imagination. I thrived on work and staying busy, plus I’ve never really liked kids. How could I possibly raise one full-time?
But I’ve come to realize that this, being a stay-at-home (now work-at-home) mom, is actually the most difficult career I could’ve ever imagined for myself. It’s 24/7 with a boss who is wildly unpredictable and borderline psychotic. It has been both the greatest and hardest thing that has ever happened to me. This small human bring so much joy and love to my life, but at the same time incredible frustration and exhaustion. It’s an insane roller coaster ride.
Each day is full of new challenges and adventures, and they are all incredible learning experiences. I have grown more as a person in these past few years than I had in the decades prior. I was trapped in a cycle of selfish and destructive behavior that I wasn’t even aware of. Who would’ve thought my son would be the one to drag me out of it? Becoming a mom has taught me so much…
Following through with what I say I’m going to do and standing up for what I know to be right and true. Especially if it is hard and something I really don’t want to do.
Not needing to ALWAYS have everything perfect and on schedule. It’s ok to be late sometimes. It’s ok to not follow a daily routine. It’s ok to not have a home cooked meal. It’s ok to not brush my hair for 4 days. Sometimes cuddles win over answering that email.
Being there as someone else navigates the world in their own way, even if it takes 1,000 times longer to complete a task than if I just did it myself. Sometimes it just takes 10 minutes to get your shoes on.
Recognizing someone else’s pain and struggles…it’s not all about me and what I want. Understanding that someone else’s hardship is very real to them, even if it seems ridiculous to me.
Allowing myself to be vulnerable and letting go of anger and resentment. Getting punched in the face by a flailing toddler arm one minute and giving big hugs the next.
Simply living in the moment. Being in the now. Letting loose. Being silly. Dancing barefoot. Singing loudly. LOVING HARD.
I can honestly say that I am a better person because of my son and while there are MANY days that I long for my freedom or even an uninterrupted night’s sleep, I am grateful for these lessons he has taught me. What an incredible adventure that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I can’t even tell you how much I needed this right now after a morning from hell. Kids are so tough and no matter what we do we always feel like we’re screwing up. Thank you for sharing.
Sorry you had such a crap morning…good news is it will only get better from there tomorrow 🙂
The longer I’m a parent the more I realize that I have no damn clue what I’m doing and neither does anyone else. We’re all just doing the best we can and keeping out kids alive on a daily basis is a MAJOR accomplishment!